| i feel like everyones against me |
[28 Aug 2006|01:36pm] |
its been a fucking long time since i wrote in this thing. but right now, i need it more than ever. There is some stupid emiliana band drama going on and its seriously got me so, confused? everyone is falling apart. Nobody can give me straight up answers as to whats going on. Im losing my closest friends and i odnt know why. I am the "outcast" now, again. Everybody takes turns pointing the finger at eachother and we all take turns pointing out our flaws. Its bbothering me because now, its my turn to have, YET ANOTHER flaw pointed out. Apparently i am "too much to handle." and im starying to get annoying. It seems like this becoming a trend. I mean, one person gets "annoying" and then he changes, so they dont have him to bitch about naymore, so they find someone else and start picking for things to bitch about them for. How the fuck am I getting annoying? Especially because brandan hoon, my best friend[or ex-best friend, i dont even know naymore] has known me for a ton of years, and i have always been the way i am now, but all of a sudden it becomes a problem. I asked brandan for an example, and he HONESTLY explained what EVERYONE in this band is guilty of, including himself.
KillerBRAHH xXx: how whenever we're in a big group of people or at like idk around and you start yelling shit that could seriously offend some people and i tell you to stop and you straight up say "don't tell me what the hell to do" it just really gets to me when that shit happens and i try to stop it and you don't listen
Anbd matt[our vocalist for those of you who dont know] is all of a sudden becoming a huge asshole to me specifically. Apparently he sayus i am "immature" and i need to "grow up." Man thats os much crap. He is stressed out because of stuff with his vocals and shit. and i mentioned to him that he should be more into the crowd and talk to the crowd more and he flipped on me saying "if you dont like the way i am on stage, then fuck you." WHAT THE HELL?! Everybody is against me. The only person trying to help me [in this band] is jon. Everbody else i have now idea HOW they feel, or what they want. Im tyring to hold together and not jusyt totally explode but day by day its getting harder and harder. Im fucking sick of all the shit in this band.
fuck this.
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[08 Jun 2006|06:26am] |
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problems. so i feel like my girlfriend and this kid from myspace have been like, hitting on eachother, but she wont like admit to it and she wont do anything about it. She is always like "tylurrrrrr like omfggggg yeah hiii blah blah blah" and its really bothering me. Ive been dealing with this thing since before we deleted our myspace and now that we have it back, its coming back. It really just gets on my nerves because in my poivt of veiw, they are flirting. And i think it would be that way in a lot of peoples poits of veiw. I mean, it doesnt make sense to me as to why this would be happening. Its so like, sad. And it makes me really really uneasy. I wish it would go away. I wish HE would go away. But apperently, its not gonna go away, and neither is he. Last week bekah asked me to go to segue for one reason, tyler was going to be there. Its so like, ahhhhhhhh un-fair and i know that if i was doing this to her, i really believe she would think the same things i do. But she doesnt seem to care thgat much that it bothers me so i dont know whats going to happen. I dont want myspace anymore. I dont even wanna go on my bands myspace anymore. Im tired of it and its only been less than a week. im hurt. Im annoyed. Im everything. Its not normal to be all flirty with someone when you have a boyfriend. And bekah said "well its just kind of an old joke?" well its not funny. its upsetting and its hurting me. I dont know if things will get better with this particular situation or not. And i think she is going to the shoppes today with him while im at practice. COOOL LIFE. how like, lame. I dont knowwwww what there is to do about this. I tried talking to her about it but apparently i didnt give her enough of an example. =//////////
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[05 Jun 2006|04:27pm] |
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i hate myspace.
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[02 Jun 2006|11:41am] |
so lunch today was really interesting.
i always love those faggot kids who think they own the school when they are a sophomore.
so anyways, were sitting outside for lunch, and these stupid sophomore jocks start throwing shit at everyone. So luke turns around and yells "STOP THROWING SHIT" and so one of the fag kids turns around and says "no." Few moments pass by and they throw something at alida. So i took lukes cookie, and threw it at them. They sit and try and think of a come back, and so this fagggggggggot kid, takes his hamburger, and chucks it at us. So Brandan picks it up and throws it back. We waited for a while to see if they were gonna throw anything els because if they were going too, we were gonna dump our drinks on their head. NO LIE.But they didnt chuck anthing back. they just stared at me and brandan the rest of lunch.
Moral of the story: SOPHOMORES BETTER KNOW WHO IS IN CHARGE NOW MOTHERFUCKERS.
But ummmmmm, go to my show on saturday at the toybox k?
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| new song |
[01 Jun 2006|06:14am] |
If you consider yourself my friend, you will go to www.myspace.com/emilianarock tonight and check out our new song. Seriously, its fucking amazing.
id enjoy it if after you listen to it, you tell me if u like it or not =] k?
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[28 May 2006|05:46pm] |
wow. im really fucking sick of stupid fat people that need to get a life. apprently i dont have a right to see my own god damn girlfriend? Its like, she wants us to fucking break up. Im realllllllllly tired of it. I have to deal with that fucking shit all god damn day tomorrow. I dont even know why i put up with this shit. All i asked for was to spend time alone with my own fucking girlfriend tomorrow, and then fat ass has to go and make things complicated. well fuck you.
I have had it up to my fucking neck with this shit and anymore, and im gonna fucking explode.
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[28 May 2006|05:21pm] |
i am really annoyed right now.
and i dont want tomorrow to happen.
what the hell.
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[26 May 2006|06:05am] |
HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY BEKAH LANGERMAN!
I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH! <333
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[22 May 2006|06:02am] |
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mood |
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I just dont even know what i want to say right now. I am not happy with myself. I used to be flawless, and i used to be such an all around good person, but now i feel like im totally not anymore. I feel like she dont deserve half of what she puts up with. In fact, i know she doesnt. I am worthless. I am so like, in awe right now because i just cant even believe how i could go from extreme good, to extreme bad. And i dont know why i even get these chances. I am so sad right now. And I dont even know what to do. I want to be good again. But its nto that easy. I dont know what the fuck is wrong with me but im miserable, and im making the girl who i love miserable too. I want to changeeeeee, but its so hard for me to give up something that really bothers me. Its hard for me to just let it go. And I feel bad for everyone around me because i bring people down. I do. I want to just iscolate myself from the world and not ever come out because then, people can go on with their lives, specifically one person.
And im scared. Im scared to death because im like, so close to losing the fucking girl that makes my life tick. I am sooooo close and i just want to sit in my bed and cry about it. I cant believe that i have gotten so bad at being a boyfriend. I want to re-gain myself. I want to show her i CAN in fact still be a good boyfriend. And im going to try. I intend on it. I need to make this week the best week of, not only her life, but OUR life. Its her b-day on friday. I guess this could be a good time to re-gain myself and make everything decent again. Im just so scared. I dont know what im going to do if things dont get better. If things dont get better, i guess the only thing i really can do is remove myself from this situation. And it sucks more than anybody knows because i have such strong feelings for tthis girl. Nobody knows exactly what she means to me. She is my baby, and i love her so incredibly much. I am such a fuck up. I am such a loser. I am not worth anybodys time anymore.
i am so so so sorry
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[19 May 2006|11:54am] |
so basically my band got signed to Bleeding Metal records last night.
who is fucking pumped?
www.myspace.com/emilianarock
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[17 May 2006|06:41pm] |
omg i love her
i wish i was better for her.
EDIT:
so here is the deal. I need to make a major turn around, because if i dont im gonna lose someone that means so much to me. I need to be more understanding. And more open, and more calm and relaxed. I am walking this border line right now. And im about to get trashed. I would never forgive myself. Never. I miss the way it was before, so i am destined to make it good again! Starting now, i am going to become a better person.
Bekah- i am sorry for any misery i have given you in the past month. You dont deserve it. And there is no reason for me to be this way. I would be telling you this on the phone right now, but your in dance, and i dont want to forget it by the time u get home. You mean the whole fucking world to me and i wouldnt be the same w/o you. You make me so happy, and hopefully soon i will make you just as happy. I love you bekah, your the best.
I LOVE BEKAHHHHHH LANGERMANNNNN WITH MY WHOLE HEART AND MORE!!!
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| smarter side of kenny |
[16 May 2006|03:39pm] |
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so i think its about time that everybody see's the smarter side of me. so here it goes :
anyways, seriously i dont know what the fuck is going on with this person. One day he is communist, the next he is buddist, then he converts to judaism. Like, seriously, what the fuck are you doing. He is the kind of person that changes their appearance every week. Like, no kidding. He sits here, and tries to turn everything around on everyone else, when He is the one with the problem. He says in his myspace blog, "im gonna find a whole new group of friends, expect for like, 3 people." And those three people include, Brandan, Kaylan, and Sam KJ. NEWS FLASH BUD, YOUR SUMMER IS GONNA BE SHITTY WITH ONLY 3 FRIENDS!
well good luck to you. Because i think i speak for everyone when i say we have had enough of your two-faced shit and ur lies. So good luck with ur life. Stay out of mine.
Anyways, comparative Religions feild trip today was good! I saw a ton of things i didnt think even existed haha. It was Fun. And we went to uptown. And i got to spend the whole day with Jackie and it was really fun! and i met Joe finally! what a fucking cool kid.
And nwo tonight i get to see Bekah finally! Its been for fucking Everrrrrr!!!! I miss that girl. god damn. But i feel like she is keeping something from me because she "forgets" to tell me things sometimes. Its kinda weird but oh well ill live.
Last night, i joined a sweet band and stuff. Emiliana. www.myspace.com/emilianarock, check them out and add us!
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[15 May 2006|06:15am] |
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sometimes i wish i was better than what i currently am.
i wanna be a better person all around.
But most of all, i want to be a better boyfriend.
i mean, no matter what anybody says, i am in love.
If you try and prove me wrong, your gonna fail.
Because there is no doubt in my mind that me and Bekah were meant to be together.
But its just like, i feel like i want to spend all my time with her,
and she wants to spend half the time. I dont feel like that ALL the time.
And so when i feel like this, she goes to hang out with her friends and then i feel like she doesnt wanna hang out with me or be with me. Its so shitty feeling because like, I want her to want to spend all of her time with me too. So when she decides to go hang out with her friends, im all like, mad/then i get sad/then i get depressed/ then i get nervous. I go thru the emotions like its candy. I guess nobody can really understand except for me. Which makes sense since its my own problem i have to deal with.
I just wish for once i could be a good boyfriend. Like one of those ones that you all hear about that are like "OMG MARK JUST GAVE ME THE CUTEST PRESENT!" and "OMFG!!!!! JIM is the cutest boy EVERRR because he just bought me a ring!" But instead of being like that, i am like, the exact opposite. I feel like, the lowest person in the world. I dont even know what to do about it.
ahh, well beyond all that stuff, i guess i have some good going on right now.
Im applying to Wicks furniture because i need a job and some money.
And Me and Tyler have been becoming closer friends lately. I really like the kid. He is fun. And we catch fish haha. And we have little sophomore girls come up to us and tell us they are horny. lol. that was funny.
But yeah, i guess, you lose a friend, you gain a friend.
Ive been losing a close friend of mine for some time now. And i think its about time to just, give up. He isnt what he used to be. He is fake. He isnt worth my time anymore.
[bekah- i love you, and im sorry for all i have put u thru. I am excited to hang out with you tuesday. you mean the world to me.]
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| cool |
[10 May 2006|03:51pm] |
i hate stupid motherfuckers that dont know when they arent wanted.
and that wont stay the fuck out of peoples lives.
i hate the fact that i have to constantly worry about stupid shit,
that i shouldnt have to deal with.
i hate fucking ugly sluts who go around sucking guys dicks for fucking fun. [NEWS FLASH: NOBODY WANTS YOUR STD'S]
I hate fucking bitches who wears alot of makeup and trys to come between you and your girlfriend.
YOUR UGLY, STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE
if you fit into one of those categories:
BURN IN FUCKING HELL
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| jdiaosj |
[26 Apr 2006|06:03pm] |
thing havent been the same lately.
its soooo hard to just forget about it.
its so hardddddd and i hate it.
it makes me so crabby,
so sad,
so mad,
so everything.
its not ever gonna be the same.
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| Eleven |
[22 Mar 2006|06:02am] |
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mood |
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music |
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FOX 9! |
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ohhhh kayyy. Soo yeah. I had a good night last night =] i feel better about things then i did in my last entry. But still, hanging out with Bekah last night made me realize, holy shit i have no spring break plans. I have nobody to hang out with really. Like, i dont know what the fuck im going to do while bekah is hanging out with claire =[ GAHHHHHHHHH i hate spring break. It makes me depressed. everybody leaves and im stcuk hanging out with lame people [not bekah, but when bekah hangs out with claire im gonna be stuck hanging out with some weird freak]. SOMEBODY SAVE ME. PLEASE.
Gahh, its only wednesday. How lame. we still have 2 more days to go. This sucks. this week is not gonna end. Oh well, at least its an easy easy week so thats good.
but yeah immmmmm kinda cold so
BYE
[i love u bekah]
[Deeeeeeeeeeeee]
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| Ten |
[21 Mar 2006|02:53pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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the scene aesthic |
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goddddd its been such a long weekend and start of the week.
i feel like something is always wrong
and when im in a good moood, i still say things that are wrong.
GAHHHHHHHHHHH lame.
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| nine |
[17 Mar 2006|03:08pm] |
Right now im a little bit frustrated with this day. First off, it started off shitty by me being treated shitty. secondly, it was the longest day of the whole week. thirdly, me and bekahs plans were shot to shit [like i had expected]. And soo now it sucks because i wanted to see her today. But so much for that happening. ugh.
FRUSTRATED
omg
Seriouslyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy this is gay. i wanted to see Bekah. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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